Using violence

Couple sitting arguing
Are you using domestic or family violence?

Domestic and/or family violence is any abusive behaviour in a family or intimate relationship where one person attempts to gain and maintain control over another. The violence is not limited to physical violence or sexual assault, it can also include emotional abuse and social or financial control.   How will you know if you are using...

Couple sitting on a park bench arguing
Common excuses when using violence

Below are some common excuses used when violence erupts in a relationship.   Partner blaming “They made me do it” It’s very common for people who use violence and abuse in their relationship to blame their partner. They may say that they are subjected to very annoying behaviour and their partner riles them up or deliberately...

Man using common excuses for violence
Taking responsibility for your violence

It’s hard to face up to your own actions. You might want to deny responsibility for your behaviour. Partner blaming is often the most common way to do this.   Examples of partner blaming You think they need to change – to stop or start doing something so you won’t be triggered You’d rather focus...

A woman sat using Time Out
Using 'Time Out'

‘Time Out’ is a process of temporarily removing yourself physically from an anger-provoking situation in order to calm yourself before returning. Abuse is not always physical. The bottom line is that abuse is when someone else is scared of you, your behaviour or actions, or is afraid of what you might do when you are...

Man upset talking on the phone
Talking about violence for the first time

Being honest with yourself about what has been happening is the first big step towards making the change that needs to happen. The second big step is telling someone else about what’s been happening.   It takes a lot of courage to open up and talk about violence.   Some people, when first opening up...

Two men sat talking
Talking to a friend about their violence

“I thought if they wanted my help they would ask for it… all along I had a gut feeling something was wrong but he was always so nice to us. How could he be such a great mate and do something like that?” You might think it’s best not to say anything because you might...


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