Using ‘Time Out’

Why use ‘Time Out’?

The best time to work out some strategies for managing your anger and behaviour is usually when you are feeling calm and level-headed.

Abuse is not always physical. Abuse is when someone else is scared of you, your behaviour or actions, or is afraid of what you might do when you are angry. Feelings of anger or frustration need to be managed carefully so communication and relationships don’t get damaged. Anger is not usually a good response to problems, even if it seems helpful in the short term.

‘Time Out’ is one way to help you manage anger. It is a process of temporarily removing yourself physically from an anger-provoking situation in order to calm yourself before returning.

Using ‘Time Out’ effectively

Below is a five-step process for keeping others safe and to prevent you from being abusive while you are feeling angry. You can tell the person it’s a new strategy so they know about it beforehand and can be prepared. Do not use time out as a way to punish the other person.

1. Momentary delay: When you feel like you might become abusive, start by taking a pause. Take a moment to think about what you are doing so you don’t act on impulse.
2. Time out: Once you have taken a moment to delay, remove yourself physically from the anger-provoking situation. However, if you are in the middle of an argument, don’t just walk off. Negotiate with the other person for time out. Tell them what you are going to do and when you will return, otherwise it could make matters worse.
3. Do something: Once you have left, find a way to calm down. You can do some breathing exercises or do something physical (avoid driving) – walk, run, kick the footy. You want to get that pent-up energy out and cool down. If you need to talk about what’s happening, you can call a friend or a helpline such as MensLine Australia on 1300 78 99 78.
4. Return: Make the time out brief (minutes instead of hours). Let the other person know how long you will be and stick to it. When you return the other person may still be angry. If the situation flares up again, repeat the time out process.
5. Problem solving: Once you return do not talk about the anger-provoking situation immediately, unless it is absolutely urgent. Negotiate with the other person to talk about the issue in the next few days when you both have some perspective.

The next time you are feeling angry, try one of these actions above, to help you feel calmer and level-headed. You can also download the Time Out activity worksheet, which includes an activity to try the next time you feel angry.

MensLine Australia counsellors are available 24/7, and our service is free. Call 1300 78 99 78 or click the chat button on the right to access online counselling.

If it is an emergency, call 000.