Resolving intimacy problems in a relationship

• Dealing with intimacy problems in a relationship
• Common reasons for intimacy problems in a relationship
• Restoring intimacy in a relationship

Intimacy in a relationship

In a relationship, intimacy is being emotionally close and connected with your partner. It develops when you can both be open and share your thoughts, feelings, experiences, hopes, and fears.

This emotional connection requires both partners to be vulnerable with each other, trusting that they will be supported and accepted.

Intimacy can mean different things to different people, but it is much more than just sex, kissing or holding hands. Intimacy is emotional and is the connectedness between two people. Having an intimate relationship with your partner can be a very rewarding experience.

Intimacy builds gradually over time through a consistent effort by both partners. When intimacy is absent or lacking, you may feel lonely or disconnected. Without intimacy, couples can drift apart. Intimacy problems are often cited as reasons for a relationship breakdown.

Intimacy problems in a relationship

Some men may find it difficult to be intimate in a relationship. Here are some signs that your relationship may have intimacy issues:

• You find it difficult to open up and share your true thoughts and feelings.
• You feel uncomfortable when your partner wants to discuss emotions and relationship issues.
• You tend to withdraw when the conversation becomes emotionally intense.
• You struggle to identify your feelings.
• You feel disconnected from your partner, even when you are together.

Common reasons for intimacy problems in a relationship

A lack of intimacy in a relationship can occur for a range of reasons, and sometimes they may be interconnected. Here are some common reasons:

1) Lack of communication

Intimacy covers so much more than just physical contact. The emotional closeness depends on how well and how comfortable you are communicating. If you are not being open and honest with your partner, they won’t know how you feel or understand what you are experiencing. If there is a communication breakdown, it can lead to misunderstandings. One partner may feel like they are never being heard or that their partner does not understand them.

2) Feeling stressed

If you are feeling stressed, it can put a strain on your relationship, particularly if you are not communicating with your partner about how you are feeling. When stressed, you may become more irritable, find it harder to see the positive side of things, and start withdrawing from your partner.

3) Transitions

Life transitions, such as moving house, starting a new job, losing a job, becoming a parent, caring for elderly parents, retiring, and grieving the loss of a loved one, can put pressure on the relationship. When there is a strain on your relationship, you may feel less connected with each other, which will impact your intimacy.

4) Resentment, anger or mistrust

Resentment, anger and mistrust will all negatively impact intimacy. It is hard to feel intimacy with someone if you are constantly arguing. If you are angry more often, you need to address the underlying causes of what makes you feel this way and find ways to manage your anger more effectively. You can also consider professional support via MensLine Australia or Relationships Australia. Remember that violence is never a solution to your anger.

5) Work

A fulfilling job is important, especially when more than half your waking weekday hours are spent at work. Most people want to do well at work; however, some are so heavily career-focused that it can get in the way of closeness with your partner. For example, being away from home, having little time or energy after working long hours, or work interfering with personal time (like checking work emails in bed) can all contribute to a lack of intimacy in a relationship.

Restoring intimacy in a relationship

Resolving intimacy issues requires both people to be open, honest, considerate and non-judgmental. It usually takes time to build up intimacy in a relationship. Below are some ways to get things started.

1) Work on your communication skills

Intimacy occurs when you communicate and are emotionally open with each other and can reveal your true feelings, thoughts, fears, and hopes. Be willing to talk and share your views, ideas and feelings with your partner.

Also, take the time to listen to what your partner has to say without interruption or judgment. Be open to your partner’s point of view instead of jumping to conclusions. Try to understand how your partner might be feeling.

If you are going through a stressful period or life transition, talk about how you can manage the changes together and find a way to cope. Overcoming stresses together can help strengthen your relationship.

2) Do activities together

Find interests you both enjoy, make plans and, most importantly, stick to them. It doesn’t have to be an expensive activity like a meal in a restaurant; it can be something as simple as walking the dog together. The key is to spend quality time together regularly. Small, joyful moments can help to strengthen intimacy.

3) Show gratitude  

Show your partner your appreciation and gratitude. Tell your partner what you value about them and how much you love and appreciate them. Remember to say a sincere “thank you” for things big and small.

You can also acknowledge your appreciation by pitching in and giving your partner a break. You can take responsibility for organising activities, making meals, or sharing household chores.

4) Talk to a relationship counsellor

You may want to speak to a relationship counsellor if you are struggling with your relationship. Counselling can be a source of advice, ideas, and new information for you and your partner to consider. Relationships Australia offers a range of free or low-cost relationship counselling services and online resources. Visit their website and click on your state or territory to see what is available in your area. Services are delivered through a network of over 100 locations across

Australia. You can also search for therapists via the Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia website.

5) Talk to a MensLine Australia counsellor

Did you know MensLine Australia initially started as a family and relationship helpline? Although the service’s scope has expanded significantly over the years, many people who contact MensLine Australia still do so to talk about relationship issues. Counsellors are available 24/7 if you want to talk or chat online.

Call for what matters most. MensLine Australia has professional counsellors available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, providing support for relationship issues. Our service is free. Call us on 1300 78 99 78 or click the button on the right for online counselling.

If it is an emergency, call 000.