How to deal with disappointment

Understanding disappointment 

Disappointment is the emotion you feel when reality falls short of your expectations. It often combines feelings of sadness, frustration, anger, and loss. Whether it’s a missed job opportunity, a relationship ending, or a cancelled plan, disappointment is an inevitable part of the human experience. 

While these feelings can be overwhelming, there are practical strategies to help you cope and move forward. Remember that these feelings will pass, and you’ll have new things to look forward to again. 

“Disappointment is temporary – with the right strategies, you can process these feelings and move forward stronger.” 

Practical ways to cope with disappointment 

Here are some ways to cope with disappointment: 

Give yourself time to reflect  

Rather than pushing away negative emotions or telling yourself to “get over it”, take time to acknowledge your disappointment. It’s okay to feel frustrated, angry or sad.  

You can try these steps: 

• Identify your emotions – how do you feel? 

• Validate your feelings – tell yourself it is okay to feel this way.  

• Be kind to yourself – treat yourself to the kindness you would show a friend if they were in a similar situation.  

• Remember that these feelings will pass.  

Get some perspective 

Allow yourself time to understand what went wrong and think about why it happened. While disappointment can feel overwhelming in the moment, it is helpful to view the situation more broadly.  

Here are some things to consider: 

• Was the outcome predictable or a shock? 

• Was it within or outside of your control? 

• Speak to trusted friends and family and ask for their viewpoints and perspectives.  

• Focus on what you can do today to make things a little better.  

Be patient with yourself, as perspective usually comes with time. 

Adjust your expectations 

Our expectations can shape the intensity of our disappointment. When you feel disappointed because things didn’t turn out as you expected, take a step back and ask yourself: 

• Were my expectations realistic? 

• What factors were within or outside of my control? 

• How can I adjust my expectations for next time? 

Learning to be more flexible can help you adapt when things don’t go according to plan. For example, can you develop a ‘Plan B’ next time? 

Don’t let your disappointment linger 

While it’s okay to take some time to grieve and reflect on your disappointment, try not to focus on your negative emotions for a long time. Spending too much time and energy on your disappointment can be detrimental to your mood and mental health.  

If you catch yourself ruminating about the disappointment, redirect your energy to positive solutions. You can also put things into perspective and ask yourself, will this matter in a week, a month, or a year? 

Transform disappointment into a learning opportunity 

Instead of viewing disappointment as purely negative, use it as an opportunity for learning and development. Ask yourself: 

• What insights have I learnt from this experience? 

• What can I do differently next time? 

• Are there areas for improvement? 

• Can I use this experience to build up my resilience?  

Do something you enjoy 

Start thinking about the future and plan to do something you can look forward to. Here are some steps you can take: 

• Plan something small. For example, get a nice cup of coffee in the morning or meet up with a friend. 

• Make a list of all the activities you enjoy doing. 

• Pick one or two from the list and add them to your routine.   

Look after your physical health 

Whenever you experience a big disappointment, it is easy to forget about your physical health. However, improving your physical health can also benefit your mental health. Regular exercise can help reduce anxiety, relieve stress, and improve sleep.  

When to get help 

While experiencing disappointment is normal, you should consider seeking professional support if you: 

• Feel persistently hopeless. 

• Are struggling to cope with daily activities.  

• Can’t move past the disappointment.  

• Notice your sleep or appetite has significantly changed.  

Mental health professionals can provide strategies to help you process disappointment and build resilience. In the first instance, you can reach out to your GP or call a free service such as MensLine Australia on 1300 78 99 78 to speak to a counsellor. 

MensLine Australia is a free phone and online counselling service available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Call us on 1300 78 99 78 or click the floating chat button on the right to access online counselling.  

If it is an emergency, call 000.