Communicating with someone you disagree with

• It’s okay to disagree
• Listen and acknowledge
• Adopt the right mindset
• Make your point
• Stay calm
• Where to get help

It is completely normal to disagree with your friends from time to time. We all have different opinions and beliefs. Getting along does not mean you must think the same way about everything. What matters is how you talk about your different views – keeping respect and understanding at the heart of your conversation. 

Good communication helps you share your thoughts clearly while also showing your friend you value their perspective. Hearing different ideas and perspectives can also open your mind and teach you something new.  

When you handle these conversations well, they can help you understand each other better and keep your friendship strong. 

Below are some practical ways to communicate respectfully with a friend when you have different views and opinions. 

Ways to help you communicate respectfully 

Know what matters to you   

You don’t need to agree with everything your friends believe in to maintain friendships or get along well with others. Think about which topics really matter to you and which ones you are okay with having different views on. This will help you decide which differences you can easily accept, and which may need careful discussion. You may also discover that some topics are friendship dealbreakers. 

Listen and acknowledge 

Before jumping in with your thoughts, really listen to what your friend is saying. Don’t interrupt or plan your response while they are talking. By actively listening, your friend will feel valued and heard, even if you disagree with what they are saying. Avoid saying things like, “You always say that” or “That’s wrong” – these phrases can make your friend feel dismissed and disrespected. Instead, give your friend your full attention and acknowledge by nodding or saying prompts such as “I see.” Ask questions to try and understand their perspective. When your friend feels like you have listened and given them a chance to speak, they are more likely to reciprocate and listen to you, too. 

Adopt the right mindset 

If you know you are about to have a conversation with someone who thinks differently from you, prepare yourself beforehand. If you can, pick a time when you are both relaxed. Approach the conversation with good intentions and have an open mind. Try to understand the reasons why you disagree on a particular topic. If something is unclear, you can ask for clarification. When you know the meaning behind the different perspectives, you can communicate more effectively. 

Share your view clearly 

After listening to your friend, explain your own view simply and clearly. Explain the reasons for your perspective. You can back up your viewpoint with examples or facts instead of just feelings. This helps your friend understand where you’re coming from, even if they still don’t agree. 

Stay calm 

It isn’t always easy to stay calm when talking about something you strongly believe in. But getting angry or upset usually makes the conversation worse. Keeping calm during a difficult conversation will help you share your perspective more effectively and keep the conversation on track. If the discussion is becoming too heated, it is okay to call it a day and change the subject. You can say, “Maybe we should talk about something else” or “Let’s take a break from this topic.” 

Get help 

Sometimes, you might need extra support to handle difficult conversations. If you are finding it hard to deal with disagreements, MensLine Australia can help. Our free service offers phone and online counselling. You can talk to our counsellors about any challenging relationships you are trying to manage.  

Remember, having different opinions and disagreements doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your friendship. Sometimes, the best thing to do is agree to disagree and focus on the things you have in common.  

Want extra support to help you navigate a difficult situation? Phone MensLine Australia on 1300 78 99 78 or click the floating chat button on the right to access online counselling. Our service is free, and counsellors are available 24/7. 

If it is an emergency, please call 000.