First time dad

You are a new dad 

For the last few months, you and your partner have been preparing for your little bundle of joy to enter the world. You have painted the baby’s room, built the cot, and installed the car seat. And now you have become a father for the first time. Congratulations! While this can be one of the happiest times in your life, it can also be a very emotional and overwhelming experience. 

Becoming a father may raise all sorts of pressures about being a provider, protector, and being engaged with your child and partner. Finding the balance can be tricky, particularly in the first few months, as you are getting used to a new routine. 

Below are some tips to help you manage and get the most out of this wonderful experience.  

Try not to feel that you’re “on the outside” 

If you feel like your partner has a greater role in caring for your new child and you’re on the outside, there are ways to get more involved. Below are some ideas to bond and feel closer to your baby and be part of your new family unit: 

• Being present at the birth 

• Changing a nappy 

• Burping the baby 

• Bathing and dressing the baby 

• Taking your baby for walks outside 

• Settling the baby for sleep 

• Asking your partner what help they need 

• Talking to friends who are fathers and getting advice from them. 

You can also help with housework, fielding calls and messages when your partner is trying to get some sleep, cooking meals, or going to the shops for new nappies. 

Also, make sure you take time to enjoy being with your baby, whether it’s cuddling, holding, talking in soothing tones, or singing songs. 

Sleep 

According to Better Health, most babies from newborn to three months sleep 12 to 16 hours a day. As newborns need regular feeding, they usually sleep for short periods. Sometimes these sleep cycles can be as little as 20 minutes. They will wake up during the night as they need to be fed and changed. You can also expect a lot of crying and fussing, as that’s how the baby communicates. When they are around three months old, they start to learn the patterns of day and night.  

Dealing with sleep deprivation is one of the biggest challenges new parents face. Let’s take a look at a few things you can do to catch up on a little sleep: 

• Sleep when the baby sleeps. Forget about cleaning the house, doing the laundry or anything else. Take that nap! 

• Avoid eating heavy meals before bed – this can keep you up at night. 

• The same goes for exercising in the hours before bed. Try to squeeze in some exercise earlier in the day if you can. 

• During the day, try to spend some time outdoors in the sunlight and stay hydrated.  

• Avoid looking at your phone or screens in bed.  

• Establish a wind-down routine before going to bed.  

Looking after your relationship 

Having a baby will significantly change your relationship with your partner. While the baby’s needs can feel overwhelming early on, looking after your relationship with your partner is important. Talk to your partner about how you are feeling and check in with how they are going too. You are in this together. Below are some tips to help you strengthen your relationship: 

• What was previously couple’s time is now more likely family time. But that doesn’t mean you will never be able to spend time alone again. It just means you need to plan it rather than just letting it happen. Start by giving yourselves thirty minutes at the end of the day just to chat, hang out or watch your favourite TV show. You’d be surprised at how much those thirty minutes can help to rejuvenate your relationship. 

• Communicate openly and respectfully about how you feel and listen to each other. You are both adjusting to this new life, which will take time, so be patient. Remember, your partner is also trying to find their way through this new life. 

• Work together as a team to overcome challenges and problems. This can mean sharing parenting duties, agreeing on who will take care of specific household responsibilities, and making sure you each have a chance to get some sleep. 

Looking after yourself 

Sometimes you can get lost in your new role as a parent, making you feel consumed by all the new responsibilities. It’s important to still take care of yourself so that your stresses don’t accumulate into bigger issues.  

Here are a few ways you can look after yourself: 

• Now that you’re a dad, your free time will have reduced significantly. While being a new parent means spending a lot of time caring for your newborn, you still need to find some time to do things you enjoy and recharge. Talk to your partner to work out when you can each get time to do something you enjoy. This can be anything from catching up with friends, listening to a podcast, or going for a bike ride.  

• Becoming a new dad can feel isolating. Connect with other dads so you can share experiences. Knowing how someone else coped with a newborn can help you feel more connected and less alone. Exchange stories and tips, and arrange times to meet up. 

• Go easy on yourself. Having a newborn is life-changing, and it will take time to adjust. Keep an eye out for negative self-talk, and don’t bottle things up.  

• Find ways to relax and stay calm. Breathing exercises are a simple way to reduce stressful feelings in the moment. Or if you want to learn more about mindfulness and meditation, an app such as Smiling Mind is an easy way to get started.  

• Having healthy meals and doing regular exercise (put the baby in the pram and get outside!) can help you to feel better.  

• Watch your drinking. Make sure you aren’t leaning into drinking too much to temporarily alleviate feelings of anxiety or depression.  

Mental health concerns for new dads 

Dads can also get a dose of the ‘baby blues’, despite not physically giving birth themselves. It is not uncommon for new dads to report having perinatal mental health concerns, including anxiety and depression.  

According to mental health organisation PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia), perinatal symptoms of depression and anxiety include: 

• Emotional changes – feeling sad or low, anxious, unable to cope, short-tempered, angry, resentful, a loss of confidence, or feeling hopeless. 

• Behavioural changes – losing interest in things you once enjoyed, withdrawing, feeling disconnected, not communicating, fear of looking after your baby, or substance misuse as a way to cope.  

• Physical symptoms – feeling panicked, dizzy, sweating, headaches, muscle tension, changes to sleep or appetite, low energy, or tiredness.  

If you recognise these symptoms, it’s important to reach out for support. You can contact your GP or a free helpline service such as MensLine Australia on 1300 78 99 78 or PANDA on 1300 726 306.  

Extra support and resources for parents 

If you need extra professional support and resources as a parent, check out the organisations below. And of course, you can call a MensLine Australia counsellor at any time, as we are available 24/7.  

PANDA Helpline 

The PANDA national helpline helps dads who: 

• Are concerned about their mental health and wellbeing 

• Want to chat about ways they can support their partner in early parenthood 

• Want support on expectations vs reality of fatherhood 

• Want advice on caring for a newborn and bonding with the baby.  

Call PANDA on 1300 726 306 Monday to Saturday or visit their website.  

Dad Space 

Dad Space is run by the Parent-Infant Research Institute. The website is dedicated to supporting fathers across Australia by providing information, strategies, tips, and resources. Visit the Dad Space website to find out more.  

Pregnancy Birth and Baby 

Pregnancy Birth and Baby supports parents on the journey from pregnancy to preschool. Visit their website to find out information on looking after your newborn, healthcare for your baby, sleep and settling your baby, and more.  

Raising Children Network 

This Australian parenting website provides a wide range of resources, videos, articles and apps. Designed for busy families and full of tips and tricks, their content is easy to find and digest. Visit their website to find out more.  

Healthdirect 

Healthdirect has information on baby and toddler health, from food allergies to fever. Visit their website for more information.  

Remember that parenting will get easier. But if things are overwhelming and you are struggling to cope, you don’t have to go through it alone. You may have friends or family you can talk to, who have gone through something similar themselves. Or you can always pick up the phone and call one of our MensLine Australia counsellors for a chat on 1300 78 99 78.  

Call for what matters most. MensLine Australia has professional counsellors available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and our service is free. Call us on 1300 78 99 78 or click the chat button on the right for online counselling.  

In an emergency, call 000 immediately.