How to strengthen family communication

Why family communication matters

Our family relationships are often the most important in our lives, and sometimes the source of our biggest tensions. Honest, open communication helps the people closest to us, especially partners and children, feel supported. It also helps you express your own feelings calmly, whether you’re worried, stressed, upset, or disagreeing with someone you love.

The strategies below can help you maintain open communication with your family, especially during tough times.

Ways to strengthen family communication

Listening and being there for others

• Check in regularly: Letting your family know they can come to you anytime helps keep communication open. Sometimes a simple “are you OK?” or “how’s things?” is all someone needs to feel supported.
• Listen: Knowing that someone is really listening can help to strengthen communication. Try not to jump in with advice too soon, as it can stop you fully understanding their perspective. Show that you’ve heard them by summarising what they’ve said and checking you’ve got it right.
• Watch for non-verbal cues: Not everyone finds it easy to say how they feel. Someone might say one thing while their facial expressions or body language tell a different story, so pay attention to both. Be mindful of your own body language too. Facing the person and not crossing your arms shows you’re paying attention.
• Make room for the bigger conversations: Chats about day-to-day activities and interests are important, but so are the bigger conversations. Don’t be afraid to ask the people you care about if something’s worrying them, or to reach out yourself when you’re not doing well.
• Pick your moment: Timing makes a difference for the bigger conversations. They tend to land better when you’re both calm, not rushed, and have a bit of privacy, rather than in the heat of the moment. If now isn’t the right time, you can agree together on when to come back to it.
• Think before you react: Take a moment to think before you respond, especially if someone has said something that hurt or angered you, or you’re feeling defensive. Responding too quickly can lead to saying something you regret. If you need to, take a short time out until you can respond calmly.
• Remember you’re different: Your family members may be very different from you, and you won’t always agree with their choices. Let them know they can still come to you, even when you see things differently. You can share your own view while showing you understand theirs may not be the same.

Sharing your feelings

• Be clear: If you’re sharing your thoughts and feelings with others, say what you think and feel, without being too harsh or blunt. Take the time to explain what you are going through and give clear examples.
• Avoid blame when discussing an issue: Explain how you feel about someone’s actions, rather than blaming them. Blame tends to make people defensive, so they either push back or shut down. Using “I” statements rather than “you” statements helps. For example, “I felt sad when you forgot my birthday” rather than “You don’t care about me”.

Other things that help

• Adjust to each person: Everyone has their own communication style, so it helps to learn how each person prefers to give and receive support. For example, some parents find that teenagers open up more when the focus isn’t directly on them, such as during a long drive or while playing sport together.
• Have fun together: Make time to do things you all enjoy. Having fun together can strengthen your bonds and make communicating easier.

These strategies take time and practice, and not every approach will work every time. But making the effort to communicate openly can build understanding, strengthen your bonds, and help your family be there for each other when times get tough.

MensLine Australia counsellors are available 24/7, and our service is free. Call 1300 78 99 78 or click the chat button on the right to access online counselling.

If it is an emergency, call 000.