Separation – looking after yourself

Common emotional reactions after separation

Relationship separation can be a significant life transition that can impact your wellbeing. Men may have a range of intense and complex reactions and feelings during and after separation, including:

• Grief for the relationship ending.
• Feeling anxious about the future.
• Frustration, anger, and feeling hurt.
• Sadness, loneliness, and feeling isolated.
• Feeling at a loss and overwhelmed.

These feelings can lead to a loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, and withdrawal from social networks, family or work commitments.

The loss of the relationship can be particularly difficult if:

• The separation was unexpected.
• You didn’t want the breakup to happen.
• You don’t have a strong support network.

While painful and distressing, these feelings and reactions are expected and will lessen with time. A new ‘normal’ will settle in, and it will be possible to continue living a happy and fulfilling life.

Talking about your situation can help. Find someone you trust who you can talk to and who will listen and support you. You can also call our MensLine Australia counsellors on 1300 78 99 78.

Signs you need additional support

If you notice that your feelings are not improving with time, you should seek additional support. Here are some warning signs:

• Persistent low mood.
• No longer enjoying things you used to.
• Withdrawing from family and friends.
• Struggling to maintain your regular routine.
• Substance abuse.

If these warning signs resonate with you, speak to a trusted family member or friend, contact a helpline like MensLine Australia on 1300 78 99 78, or make an appointment to see your GP. Be honest about how you are feeling. You may have a mix of emotions, such as sadness, confusion, and even relief. You do not have to go through this alone. There is help available. Seek support early.

In an emergency, please call 000.

Ways to get life back on track after separation

Look after yourself, acknowledge your emotions, and give yourself time to deal with the situation. It can be hard to believe things will get better, but your situation can improve with time, self-care, and support. Below are some things you can do to help you get through and adjust to your new circumstances.

Maintain your physical health

• Eat a balanced diet. Eat nutritious foods and prepare what you can at home.
• Make time for regular exercise. Choose something you enjoy, such as strength training, running, yoga, or swimming.
• Work on your sleep hygiene. Maintain a consistent sleep schedule, create a relaxing bedtime routine, and aim for 7 to 8 hours of sleep.

Rebuild your network

• Reconnect with old friends.
• Schedule regular catchups with friends and family.
• Join a sports club, Men’s Sheds, or other community group.
• Explore local volunteering

Self-help stress management

• Practise mindfulness. Try a mindfulness app like Smiling Mind to get started.
• Try breathing exercises to help reduce stress and anxiety.
• Focus on relaxing by doing a progressive relaxation exercise.
• Continue to do things you enjoy.

Focus on personal growth

• Set personal or professional goals.
• Learn new skills, enrol in a course, or take up a new hobby.

Reach out for professional support

• MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78 – free 24/7 phone and online counselling service for men.
• Lifeline 13 11 14 – free 24/7 crisis support helpline.
• 13YARN 13 92 76 – free 24/7 Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander crisis support line.
• Relationships Australia – counselling services for separation, divorce, and life changes.
• Healthdirect – a free directory to help you find a GP, counselling, and mental health services.

Additional resources

• Coping with relationship separation and divorce
• Self-care toolkit
• Anger management toolkit
• Mental fitness
• What is anxiety
• What is depression

Separation is not an endpoint; it is a transition. Be patient with yourself and seek support when you need it.

If you need to talk to someone, give one of our MensLine Australia counsellors a call on 1300 78 99 78 or click the floating chat button on the right to access online counselling. MensLine Australia is a free service and is available 24/7.

If it is an emergency, call 000.