Get talking – communication in relationships

Understanding and respecting the different ways in which you and your partner communicate will help strengthen your relationship. Here MensLine Australia explores the ways that you and your partner can talk to each other when there is disagreement, and how to talk about boundaries and come up with relationship agreements.

Positive approaches to communication and understanding the different ways you and your partner communicate can help to strengthen your relationship. When there is disagreement, learn how talking about boundaries and coming up with relationship agreements may help.

 

Components of talking communication

 

Negotiation

Any healthy relationship needs a good process for negotiation. Effective negotiation can help both people in a couple feel equally part of everything, from conflict resolution to decision making. Negotiation, when done well, will maintain the esteem of both partners and protect their interests. Both partners will get at least some of what they want.

You can kick-start a good negotiation by following the three sections below, which are equally applied to each partner.

Partner 1: Communicates his or her point of view and needs without interruption

Partner 2: Summarises back to partner 1 what was said

Partner 1: Makes any corrections

Then repeat the process with the roles reversed.

Once a decision has been agreed, focus on what you have gained and not what you have given up. Each partner is likely to give a little to end up somewhere in the middle.

 

Boundaries

Part of the negotiations might be exploring each other’s personal boundaries and determining the boundaries for the relationship. For instance, each partner might disclose their ‘deal breakers’ – the ‘no-go zones’ individuals have regarding relationships. These might include anything from a partner smoking to cheating or religion. Each partner determines where these non-negotiables are for them.

Once the deal breakers have been discussed and accepted, the next step is to determine the boundaries placed on the relationship. These boundaries need to be specific, agreed upon by both partners, and applied to each partner equally. Examples might be what you decide to share on social media, how much alone time you need, or how often you will communicate.

 

Agreements

Using negotiation skills to discuss boundaries and rules in a relationship can lead to a relationship agreement. This may sound unromantic, but clear rules and boundaries can be a foundation for a healthy and happy relationship for some people. An agreement doesn’t have to be in writing. It can be a clear and direct verbal agreement that both partners agree to and understand.

Topics that typically come up in relationship agreements include finances, living arrangements, relationship status, monogamy, safe sex, resolving arguments, or communication. Setting aside some time, particularly in a new relationship, to work out a relationship agreement may be an effective way to protect your relationship from typical pitfalls.

 

MensLine Australia has professional counsellors available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, providing information and support for all relationship issues.

Call us on 1300 78 99 78 or access online counselling.

More from relationship advice for men

Finding your tribe

Connection with others is crucial for our physical and mental health. So, whether you’re feeling disconnected or simply want to expand your social circle, here are some reasons why it’s important to build positive relationships and our tips to find your tribe.

Read more

Finding your tribe

Connection with others is crucial for our physical and mental health. So, whether you’re feeling disconnected or simply want to expand your social circle, here are some reasons why it’s important to build positive relationships and our tips to find your tribe.

Read more

Tips for better conversations with men

We often hear that it’s hard to get men to reach out for help. Try using these tips for tailored approaches to conversations with men that can reap better results and help him open up.

Read more

Active listening

Listening is an important part of effective communication. We have conversations throughout the day, but sometimes we’re not listening as well as we could. Active listening skills go a long way towards addressing misunderstandings and establishing healthier relationships.

Read more

Ten ways to become a better partner

Relationships are at the core of our lives. In a positive relationship, both partners feel valued, loved and nurtured. Here MensLine Australia gives you 10 tips to get the most out of your relationship.

Read more

Social connections - past, present and future

We often talk about the power of connections and support networks, as having a strong circle of people around you is one of the single most beneficial ways to maintain your mental health.  Here’s how you can grow social connections from the past, present and future!

Read more

Ten ways to become a better partner

Relationships are at the core of our lives. In a positive relationship, both partners feel valued, loved and nurtured. Here MensLine Australia gives you 10 tips to get the most out of your relationship.

Read more

Social connections - past, present and future

We often talk about the power of connections and support networks, as having a strong circle of people around you is one of the single most beneficial ways to maintain your mental health.  Here’s how you can grow social connections from the past, present and future!

Read more