Abuse and domestic violence

Domestic and family violence takes many forms, and it’s never acceptable. Understanding what it looks like can help, whether you’re worried about your own safety, someone else’s, or your own behaviour.

Share

Tags

Family and Domestic Violence

What is domestic and family violence

Domestic and family violence happens when one person hurts another, or makes them feel unsafe, as part of a repeated pattern of behaviour. It can happen in any kind of relationship, not only between partners, but also with ex-partners, family members, carers, support workers, or others you live with or see often.

It doesn’t have to be physical to be abuse. Domestic and family violence is about one person using power and control over another. This ongoing pattern can involve both physical and non-physical behaviour. The harm builds up over time, and can leave someone feeling trapped, afraid, or cut off from support.

Domestic and family violence can happen to anyone, whatever their age, background, culture or beliefs. It is never acceptable, and no one has the right to make another person live in fear.

Forms of domestic and family violence

Domestic and family violence can take many forms. Here are some of the main ones. For more detail on each, you can visit the 1800RESPECT website.

Physical abuse: deliberately hurting someone’s body or controlling it. It includes things like hitting, kicking or choking, but also restraining someone, misusing medication, or stopping someone from getting medical care. Injuries don’t have to be visible, and threatening to hurt someone is abuse in itself.
Sexual violence: forcing, pressuring or tricking someone into sexual activity they don’t want. No one has the right to make another person do sexual things, including within a relationship or marriage.
Psychological abuse: behaviour meant to cause emotional or mental harm, such as put-downs, name-calling, threats, or making someone doubt their own memory and judgement (often called gaslighting).
Financial abuse: using money to control someone, such as restricting their access to money, running up debts in their name, or stopping them from working.
Social abuse: cutting someone off from friends, family, community or culture, or controlling who they see and talk to.
Spiritual abuse: using religion, faith or beliefs to control or frighten someone, such as stopping them from practising their faith, or forcing beliefs or practices on them.
Stalking and monitoring: repeated, unwanted contact or surveillance, including tracking someone’s location or monitoring their phone, social media or emails.
Image-based abuse: sharing, or threatening to share, intimate images or videos of someone without their consent. It’s sometimes called ‘revenge porn’.
Neglect: failing to provide the care someone depends on to be healthy, safe and comfortable, such as food, medical care, hygiene, or a safe place to live. It mainly affects people who rely on others for daily support.

These behaviours often occur together as part of a wider pattern of control.

Signs of domestic and family violence

Domestic and family violence isn’t always obvious.

Someone experiencing it may:

Stop going out, or seeing friends and family, without a clear reason.
Seem scared or on edge around a particular person.
Worry a lot about making that person angry.
Make excuses for that person’s behaviour.
Have injuries they can’t easily explain.
Seem worried they’re being watched, followed or controlled.

Signs that a person’s behaviour towards someone may be abusive include:

Acting in ways that make the other person afraid.
Putting them down, or threatening to hurt them, their children or pets.
Controlling where they go, who they see, or how they use money, their phone or the car.
Setting lots of rules about how the other person should behave, and reacting angrily when they aren’t followed.

If you or someone is in danger, please call 000 immediately.

If you’re experiencing abuse and violence

If you’re experiencing domestic or family violence, it is not your fault. You may feel controlled, isolated, frightened, or like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. You don’t have to deal with it alone.

In an emergency, or if you or someone else is in danger, call 000.
For counselling and support any time, contact 1800RESPECT, the National Domestic, Family and Sexual Violence Counselling Service, on 1800 737 732, by text on 0458 737 732, or through online chat on their website. They can also connect you with services in your area through their support service directory.
You can also call MensLine Australia on 1300 78 99 78 to speak with a counsellor.

If you’re worried about someone else

If you think someone you know is experiencing domestic or family violence, it’s okay to say something. Often, people are relieved to have the chance to talk. Here are some tips on how to support someone:

Find a quiet space to have the conversation.
You can ask questions such as, “Is everything OK at home?” or “I noticed that you seem frightened around (the person). Is that right? Is everything OK?”
Believe them and take what they tell you seriously.
Listen without interrupting or judging.
Don’t blame them for what’s happening, and don’t make excuses for the person hurting them.
Understand they may not be ready, or it may not be safe, to leave. Try not to push them towards what you think is best; support them to make their own choices when they’re ready.
Help in practical ways if you can, like a lift to an appointment, childminding, or a safe place to go.
You or the person can call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 to talk through options.
In an emergency, call 000 immediately.

For more advice on supporting someone, visit the 1800RESPECT website.

If you’re concerned about your own behaviour

If you recognise some of this in your own behaviour, that recognition is an important first step. Using violence or control is never okay, and the responsibility for changing it sits with you. Support is available to help.

You can reach out to MensLine Australia to speak to a counsellor on 1300 78 99 78. The service is free and available 24/7.
Contact the Men’s Referral Service on 1300 766 491. It’s a free national service, available 24/7, for men who want to stop using violent or controlling behaviour. Find out more on their website.
You can also look at the Changing for Good program for men who want to change their behaviour. You can check the website to see whether you’re eligible for this free service.

MensLine Australia counsellors are available 24/7, and our service is free. Call 1300 78 99 78 or click the chat button on the right to access online counselling.

In an emergency, call 000 immediately.