Abuse and domestic violence

Violence can take many forms and isn’t always physical. Its intent is to exert power to control the other person.

If you are experiencing domestic or family violence, you may be feeling:

• Controlled, intimidated, coerced or humiliated
• Isolated and worn down
• Constantly on edge
• Like you have to tip toe around their moods
• Worried that your partner’s behaviour is harming your children.

The different forms of domestic and family violence

• Physical abuse – pushing, hitting, spitting, pulling hair, throwing things, punching, kicking, choking and using weapons.
• Sexual abuse – forcing or pressuring you to have sex (rape), making you participate in unwanted sexual activity, being humiliated or coerced into sex, allowing others to have sex with you when it is not your choice, or making you watch pornography.
• Verbal abuse – not just shouting, but degrading them and using language that puts them down such as calling them ugly, fat or stupid or using other words that shame them.
• Emotional abuse/Coercive control – repeatedly making someone feel bad or scared, stalking, blackmailing, constantly checking up on someone, undermining, playing mind games so they think they are imagining things.
• Social abuse – controls who they can see, limits their communication with family and friends so that they spend all their time with the person, follow them when they go out or go to work or use any form of surveillance including reading emails or checking phone messages.
• Financial abuse – taking money, controlling finances, not letting someone work in order to limit their freedom and activities.
• Digital/Online abuse – using technology to isolate, stalk, humiliate, spy on or control someone.
• Spiritual violence – restricting a spiritual practice, preventing attendance at a place of worship, or ridiculing religious beliefs. It can also take the form of using religion to perpetrate abuse.

Physical violence may not be the first sign of violence in a relationship but it is the easiest to recognise.

Any of these forms of controlling behaviour can be domestic and family violence, and they can escalate to physical violence. Often people do not realise there is domestic and family violence in their relationship until it becomes physical.

You may try to tell yourself it’s not that bad. But violent behaviour is never okay. You may tell yourself that it will change. Unfortunately, without treatment or intervention, domestic violence may get worse.

Nobody has the right to control, hurt, imprison, frighten or humiliate you.

Nobody has the right to threaten you or the people you love in order to control you.

Abuse it not caused by your behaviour. It is not your fault.

For support, contact 1800RESPECT, which is available for free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to support people impacted by domestic and family. 1800RESPECT also has a support service directory, where you can search for services by state or territory.

MensLine Australia counsellors are available 24/7. Call us on 1300 78 99 78 or access online counselling by clicking on the floating chat button on the right.

If it is an emergency, call 000.