Where did my life go? How to have a social life with a baby

We’re sure everybody has told you that once you have a baby, your social life is over. Without a doubt, your life will change in many ways. For instance, you will never again know the experience of sleeping in. In fact, for the first twelve months, you won’t even know what it’s like to sleep for a couple of hours in a row! You will also never be able to watch another three-hour movie uninterrupted again. Forget about watching Scarface, Goodfellas, Heat or any of the Lord of the Rings movies again. The only thing you’ll be able to watch uninterrupted in their entirety are TV ads.

In short, things will be changing in a big way.

“The reality is, for the first month or two, with a newborn in the house, neither you nor your partner will be getting out much.”

Research conducted by Action for Children shows that 52% of new parents felt both lonely and socially isolated. This happens for many reasons, but most notably, this feeling of isolation arises over a drastic shift from a previous life to one we haven’t become accustomed to yet. The reality is, with a newborn in the house for the first month or two, neither you nor your partner will be getting out much. You’ll get to know your baby, and your baby will get to know you. These new roles take some getting used to and will take time… lots of time.

But after 6-8 weeks (we know, that sounds like forever), you’ll start to get into the rhythm of this parenting thing, begin to feel more comfortable with being a dad, and life will settle down.

Your little one is totally dependent on you. You probably would have known beforehand that the baby isn’t going to change their own nappy, make their own dinner or help you mow the lawn. But you don’t really see how dependent they are until you have one. It’s a big responsibility. As a result, you throw all your attention and energy into helping them with absolutely everything. You may forget that you need to look after yourself as well.

Sometimes, parenting can feel like being stuck at home with a tiny human who only cries and sleeps. That’s when isolation and loneliness can start to kick in. There are all kinds of isolation that you might feel as a new parent. It could be isolation from work life, your social life, geographical isolation or even financial isolation.

“Getting out and about and seeing your mates is important for your mental fitness.”

Getting out and about and seeing your mates is important for your mental fitness. Now, you’re going to have to readjust your expectations a little. In the old, pre-baby days, receiving a text message from a mate to see if you wanted to meet up would be something you could do quite easily. Now, you will likely need more notice and more planning. This is where your old life and new life clash. But just because you’re now the co-owner of a little person, that doesn’t mean you can never leave the house again. There is a middle ground.

Tips to avoid social isolation with a newborn

First up, just get out

We know it’s tough. A brand-new little person requires so many bags of nappies, changes of clothes and toys for entertainment that it feels as if you’re packing up the house and moving halfway across the world. But you have to pack up the car and try and get out of the house. It doesn’t matter if you’re just going to the shops or the park. The more you get out and interact with people in the real world, the less isolated you will feel.

Make play dates

Kids are great for making you talk to other kid’s parents. Some of these parents may not be people who share similar interests as you, and that’s OK. But some of them might. You’ll be surprised at how much in common you have with other parents of babies. Your local council will often have information on playgroups in your area.

When people offer to help you, accept help

If a relative or a friend offers to come around and hang out, say yes. Don’t be coy, don’t be polite, don’t think you’re putting them out in any way, just say yes. They wouldn’t offer if they didn’t want to do it, and you’re likely to need the help.

Plan ahead

You can still go out with your mates, but you need to plan ahead. You can schedule a night out about a week or so in advance and give yourself a knockoff time so you can still ‘dad’ in the morning. Hanging out with friends is a great way to touch base with the world outside of home.

Hang out with other parents

Other couples with kids don’t care how your kid behaves because their kid is probably doing it too. They don’t care that the conversation is broken up by a baby who’s breaking in new teeth. They’ve totally been there, and they fully understand.

Don’t be afraid to go solo

Suppose you’ve got friends and family, or your partner is willing to look after the baby, and you haven’t got any mates available to hang with. In that case, there’s no reason why you can’t just go and do something by yourself. You could go to the movies or the football or do anything you enjoy. Even a couple of hours of respite out of the home/baby environment can do wonders to recharge your mental health batteries.

Plan a date night with your partner

It’s not all about you… if you can wrangle a babysitter, go out and grab a meal with your partner. The time away can help you reconnect as a couple and remind you what it’s like when it’s just the pair of you. If going out at night is difficult, plan a special meal at home and recreate that dinner setting.

Sure, it will be a little harder, and you may not be able to do the same things you used to do pre-baby, but that doesn’t mean that you still can’t go out and recharge.

If you’re feeling isolated by having a new baby in the house and you’re struggling, you can always pick up the phone and call MensLine Australia. We’re available 24 hours a day, seven days a week to help you out with all your mental health and child tantrum throwing dilemmas. The service is free.

Call us on 1300 78 99 78 or click on the chat button on the right for online counselling. 

If it is an emergency, please call 000.