Managing conflict

Understanding conflict

Conflict can occur when a disagreement can’t be easily resolved. When a disagreement continues, we often feel strong emotions, which can make it hard to keep a clear head, listen to others, and take in the other person’s point of view. 

It’s normal for people to respond to conflict differently. Some want to retreat and hide, physically or emotionally. Others may become stubborn in their need to get their own way. 

To manage conflict in a healthy way, it’s important to be aware of how you respond, and to ask yourself if you could handle it differently.

How do you approach conflict?

• Do all people involved feel heard, including you?
• Is the conflict leading to compromise (win-win) or a confrontation (win-lose)?
• Is the communication respectful?
• Are you listening and thinking before responding or just reacting?
• Does the communication have positive or negative outcomes?

When conflict escalates, it can become impossible to consider the other person’s perspective. This might be the time to bring in a third person, such as a counsellor or mediator. MensLine Australia can refer you to agencies that offer these services in your area.

Some issues to be aware of:

• No one has the right to abuse another person, and no one should accept it. Physical or emotionally controlling behaviour is never OK. 
• Physical violence against anyone is illegal. 
• The responsibility for your communication lies with you alone. No one can make you say or do anything. You always have a choice in how you react. 
• Restricting or controlling another person’s life is never acceptable. If this is what you are doing, or if this is being done to you, you can talk to someone about it. 
• If abuse, violence or controlling behaviours are a part of the conflict in your life, it’s important to seek help. Call MensLine Australia on 1300 78 99 78 to speak to a counsellor. You can also call 1800RESPECT to seek counselling and support for violence and abuse. 

Some useful tips for handling conflict:

• Keep an open mind, listen to the other person’s point of view and work hard to understand what they’re trying to say. 
• Respect the other person’s point of view, even if it’s difficult to hear. 
• Look for areas where you can compromise – what is the most important and least important thing to you? 
• Try to keep your communication respectful. Avoid insulting or putting others down. 
• Use “I” statements such as: “When you say that, I feel…” 
• If things are heating up, ask for a time out. Come back to the discussion when both of you are calmer. 
• If old patterns of communication aren’t working, try new ones. 
• Try to communicate through a different medium, such as email.
• Commit yourself to making positive changes to the way you handle conflict.

This page is available for download: MensLine Australia Tip Sheet – Managing conflict

Further information on relationships and communication is available in the Relationships Australia booklet: Renovate your Relationship

MensLine Australia counsellors are available 24/7, and our service is free. Call 1300 78 99 78 or click the chat button on the right to access online counselling. 

If it is an emergency, call 000.