Reasons and tips for developing intimacy
Developing intimacy takes effort from both partners, and it builds up over time. It is not always easy. It’s okay to be apprehensive about it, but don’t let that stop you from trying. If you do not express your emotions, your partner may fail to recognise how you feel and what you are experiencing.
Achieving emotional closeness involves an emotional risk. If you open up to someone, there is the risk of being hurt if the other person does not react in an accepting way. However, trusting the other person with your feelings will often lead to them opening up to you as well. If you always wait for the other person to open up first, you may never achieve closeness.
Even if the other person does not accept the thoughts and emotions you reveal, the relationship will often be better off for your honesty. Learning to manage your uncomfortable feelings when someone does not agree with you without arguing or withdrawing is an important skill.
When emotional distance has become a habit and you are experiencing intimacy problems, relationship breakdown is increasingly likely. The risk to the relationship of not opening up is far greater than the risk of being honest. Challenge any limiting beliefs about masculinity, such as ‘men should not show their emotions’.
Here are some tips for building a better relationship with your partner:
- Open communication – listen to your partner without interrupting or judgement. Be open to sharing your views, ideas, feelings, and emotions. Feeling heard and understood can help deepen the relationship.
- Reconnect over activities – create opportunities to spend time together doing things you enjoy. These can even be small moments you can fit into your everyday life, such as watching your favourite show or cooking a meal together.
- Express gratitude – when you express gratitude, your partner feels seen, valued, and understood. Appreciate each other’s roles in the relationship.
For more information and practical advice on relationships, download the Renovate Your Relationship booklet from Relationships Australia and MensLine Australia.
If you are having relationship problems, you can reach out for support.
- MensLine Australia is a free phone service with counsellors available 24/7 – Call 1300 78 99 78.
- Relationships Australia provides counselling for couples and online resources – Visit the website to see what is available near you.
- The Find a Therapist Directory can help you find a counsellor for relationship counselling. Visit the Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia website to start your search.
Intimacy plays an important role in your relationship, and it can be a very rewarding experience. Having intimacy with your partner means you have someone you can trust and share your hopes, values, and goals with as you support each other.
Call for what matters most. MensLine Australia has professional counsellors available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, providing support for all relationship issues. Our service is free.
Call us on 1300 78 99 78 or click the button on the right for online counselling.
If it is an emergency, call 000.